These were actual signs found and recorded!  They have misleads in them and sound odd.  Read
carefully and you'll get it.

Sign in the Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN
THE LIGHTS GO OUT.

Sign in a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING
IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN.

Outside a farm:
HORSE MANURE 50p PER PRE-PACKED BAG 20p DO-IT-YOURSELF

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE
DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

On a church door:
THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN.  ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR.  (THIS DOOR IS
KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAG.  PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.)

English sign in a German café:
MOTHERS, PLEASE WASH YOUR HANS BEFORE EATING.

Outside a second-hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC.  WHY NOT
BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG?

Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales:
THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING.  IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER
BEING OPENED.  OPENED TOMORROW.

Outside a photographer's studio:
OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO.

Seen at the side of a Sussex road:  
SLOW CATTLE CROSSING.  NO OVERTAKING FOR THE NEXT 100 YRS.

Outside a disco:
SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN.  EVERYONE WELCOME.

Sign warning of quicksand:
QUICKSAND ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT WILL BE DROWNED BY ORDER
OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL.

Notice sent to residents of a Whiltshire parish:
DUE TO INCREASING PROBLEMS WITH LETTER LOUTS AND VANDALS WE MUST
ANYONE WITH RELATIVES BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR BEST TO
KEEP THEM IN ORDER.

Notice in a dry cleaner's window:
ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE
DISPOSED OF.

Sign on motorway garage:
PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS.  YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE
WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS.

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS:

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR.

Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL
CHARGES.

Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS.

Sign on a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL
DOESN'T WORK.)

Spotted in a toilet in a London office book.
TOILET OUT OF ORDER.  PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.

Sign in a Japanese hotel:
SPORTS JACKETS MAY BE WORN BUT NO TROUSERS.

Sign in Egyptian hotel:
IF YOU REQUIRE ROOM SERVICE, PLEASE OPEN DOOR AND SHOUT, "ROOM
SERVICE!"